no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
