i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
