you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize