He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
