When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
