i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Randomize
