you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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