his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
