I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
