dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
