If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
