Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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