i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize