dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
