ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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