She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
