I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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