then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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