I just pynch a tree in the face
should my penis look like a turkey
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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