Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
