You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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