Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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