Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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