i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
