You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
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