singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
