This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
