lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
