Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
