if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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