no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
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