In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
