This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
