If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
