i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i think i just lost a toe
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
