I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
