update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
