who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
