Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
