i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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