My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize
