i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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