Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
We're too hungover to prance.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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