arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Randomize
