I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you win again, gameday.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
