Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
