peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
