Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
