i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
tell your sister to shave her snatch
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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