that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
