just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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