Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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