i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize