Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
