8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
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