its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
