I just saw a hot homeless man
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
