His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
