i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
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