After last night, I could never be a politician.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
