2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
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