I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
