its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
