that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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