I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize