piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
