My room smells like vodka and shame
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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