There was a lot of him and a little penis
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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