i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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