New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize