she was so not down for the gang bang
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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