my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
