All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Randomize
