My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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