that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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