I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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