I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
