i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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