Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
