hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
