Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
