Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
