btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
