Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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