in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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