So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
