Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
