so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
