I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
