We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
As shirtless as possible
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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