How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Houston, we have a blender
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
