god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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