Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
