So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
