dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
