im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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