i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
