I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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