Where is the hickey?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
