I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
