i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just had sex bonerless
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
