I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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