am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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