I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize