Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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