Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
