Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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